My kid loves a good story. She demands impromptu tales with
complicated plots involving her dolls and friends adventuring all over the
world. Her father got her hooked on them. He’s a screenwriter with a flair for
plotting. Now she’s begun the art of weaving a story herself. Her first drafts
sometimes run off of cliffs or into mountainsides, but gradually she’s honing
the skill.
I have no gift for the impromptu tale. The other day as my
daughter giggled at the outlandish feats of a doll who had climbed the Eiffel
Tower and was swinging from a pole
to reach some ice cream—and as my husband calmly invented a finale on the
spot—I envied him.
Then I remembered that there’s more than one kind of tale.
Three thousand miles away from us, in sunny West
Hollywood, there’s a man surrounded by 5,000 books. His desk sits
in the center of his apartment, an island floating in a sea of mass paperbacks,
trade paperbacks, hard covers, first editions, pulp magazines from his
childhood, and recordings of old radio shows. (Not to mention his music
collection.)
I used to live in that womb of pulp because that man is my
father. But the tales I am referring to aren’t the ones in the books—not
precisely. The tales are the pitches my father made for them.
I know of only one way to guarantee a twinkle in my father’s
eye—confessing I haven’t read a book he loves. With 5,000 or more under his
belt, my father loves a lot of books. But there’s one thing he might like even
more: making sure other people read them.
“You haven’t read Tono Bungay? You never read Kate
Atkinson? Judith Merril’s That Only a Mother? Oh, Leslie! How is it
possible?”
My father leans back in his ancient leather desk chair,
pressing his forefingers together and smiling—and the sun comes out from behind
the clouds. The room crackles; what on Earth is so important about this poem,
this novella, that book? But with that smile, he has you hooked.
He establishes the setting. Or he describes a single
character in an early scene. He continues, slowly unraveling the ball of yarn
and tightening the string as needed, for tension. When he pitched The Bonfire of the Vanities
he began with Sherman McCoy’s desperate efforts to leave his Park
Avenue penthouse on a stormy evening so he can go call his
mistress and finished with a humdinger of a cliffhanger—the moment when Sherman
dials the number of his mistress from the nearest payphone and somehow his wife
picks up.
Everywhere in this apartment is the scent of pulp.
Everywhere are flashlights, hidden in the darkest corners, next to ladders
should you need to reach a book on the top shelf—or even higher. The blinds are
usually closed to protect the books from the sun, hence the need for
flashlights. It’s like the cabin of vampire Joshua York in Fevre Dream.
It’s a weird place, my dad’s apartment, but it was my home for many years.
In that home I learned the art of the pitch. I learned that
the planting and harvesting of a good cliff-hanger and another person’s
investment in a story—or as William Goldman more elegantly put it: “what
happens next”—is a skill born not only of loving books but of loving to persuade.
A good pitch is an argument, really. You must marshal every tool in your arsenal:
pace, sharp turns, tone, diction and volume.
It’s the thrill of the hunt: can I get this person to give
this book a chance? Do I believe in this book as much as I am making this
friend believe I do? Am I persuading myself more than the other person?
I pose
that question to my father with regard to Tono-Bungay. No sentient being
can stay awake through its dense dullness. But with most books, my dad is on the money. And even if you never get to the book itself, the pitch makes you feel as if you have read it, absorbed its essence and understood its historical significance in the timeline of fiction. So many stories, so many novels are firsts. The first vampire story. The first detective. The first female to enter a genre. The story from which a famous author stole a premise. (See: The Parasaurians and then squint skeptically at Michael Crichton, if you aren't already doing so.)
I have a three-year-old who loves to hear and to tell a good
yarn. I wonder—is it heritable, this love of the pitch? What will happen when
she can read books herself? Will she, too, care to persuade? I hope so.
As an actor, I love to impersonate the myriad characters in
her picture books when we read aloud. This is another form of pitching, and another
one I learned from my father. He was not an actor, but he was very much a
performer when he read aloud. No one else can inhabit Gollum when he whispers “my
preciousssss.” Not even Andy Serkis, as wonderful as he was in the Peter
Jackson trilogy, can surpass my father, who bore his impression of Gollum and
so many other characters into my impressionable mind throughout years of bedtime
stories.
And you’re right, Dad. Judith Merril’s That Only a Mother
is possibly the scariest story ever—with the most shocking ending.
No, I won’t tell you what it is! Go find a copy and read it.
Let me know what you think.
I hope someday my daughter will want to know what you think,
too.